there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
