oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize