Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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