At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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