what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
