after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
