I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
