she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
