I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
