Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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