I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
