Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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