god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
