Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
