One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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