cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
