I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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