I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
