hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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