Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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