This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
