LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
