Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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