So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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