yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
