Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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