I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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