I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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