Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
