I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
