next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
