if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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