This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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