I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
