I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
