i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
