Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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