I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
