You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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