Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
