he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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