Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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