would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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