If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
