So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
