i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
