I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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