I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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