Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
