Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
