If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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