we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
