hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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