We won't sleep together?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
