the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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