Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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