I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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