I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
