I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think your dad took our porno
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
