I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
