went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it hurts more in the daytime
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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