I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
