Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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