Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
