Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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