so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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