6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
