what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
