you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
