ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
