So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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