She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
